Conversation.

And it's time for conversations. The conversation below has been blogged with explicit permission.

Young Friend: Hello. So for the first time in a long time, I am coming to you for help. If you're available, let me know.

Me: Yes..?

Young Friend: This concerns my love life (not a drill).

Me: Okay.

Young Friend: I was given a phone number and a dare from my friend. Basically, the owner of the number believes I dare not text her. Obviously, being me, I manned up and did the deed. 

Fast forward four days.

The girl and I are constantly texting each other as long as we weren't asleep. It then became our first phonecall. She initiated the call. I had to turn her away but she waited till I was free. It was 1 a.m. when I finally got back to her. We chatted till 6.

In the course of the phonecall, we discussed what we texted, and she confessed her feelings to me.

Me: And...? Do you like her?

Young Friend: At this point I did not make any obvious indication that I was looking for a serious relationship. It was casual flirting. Yes. Now here's the question. Do I like her? She's interesting. She's funny. She's extremely into me.

She would cry just because I'm baking cheesecake with another girl.

Me: Right.

Young Friend: Do I want to like her? Yes. Do I actually like her? I dare not. 

But is all this important? I don't know. But the sheer guts of this girl to actually
1) Tell me up over the phone in the shyest voice that she likes me and
2) Told our matchmaker that I was a "good catch". 

Already makes me even more unhinged from my usual self, if we don't even take into consideration her attractiveness.

5th day of all this, we ended up meeting for ice cream. She asked me, while holding hands, if I could date her exclusively. So now Loren. I am seated here, exhausted from an actual run, in hopes of clearing my mind, and already planning to go somewhere alone in town on a Friday to think through everything and it's consequences.

Mainly: is she The One, and, am I willing to let my heart be broken once more.

Please advice.

Me: You're very young. The One is often the person you will be able to love through the charm and love through the curses. It's a decision for two people. She may see you as the one, you may not. Or vice versa. You won't know till you know. Also, it's been only a few days.

Young Friend: Advise* clearly my grammar is out of the window when I'm ruffled.

Me: But, give it a try. Why not? :)

Young Friend: Here's why not: I have had plenty of bad experiences with girls. 

Many of them did many things just to have my heart as a trophy. You'll be surprised at the lack of decency these girls have. I am unwilling to have a part in this. I don't want anymore games. I just want to fuck off from this planet once I hit 35.

And here's why I'm finding it difficult to do: this girl has moved my heart in ways I haven't felt since a long time ago, when I was young and stupid. And now, I have to argue with myself. 

I even decided on a day.


Me: Er.

Young Friend: (Just when I have a cruising bachelor life. This curve ball comes along and ASDFGHJKL it up)

Me: Yeah. Life does that. Love - attraction - happens sometimes, and you never get used to it.

Young Friend: But I don't want to be loved! Neither do I want to love anyone! I do not have time for this... And I don't think I can responsible for another person's feelings, when I can't already deal with mine.

Me: That's why you're still a boy. Take the chances to mature.

Young Friend: This has nothing to do with my maturity (or lack thereof). My decision to not love is based on my lack of belief in that concept.

Me: Then consider the very idea.

Young Friend: It is fundamentally impossible to love another person. Because people are selfish and capable of evil beyond words.

Me: That's not true for everyone.

Young Friend: Saying that we are capable of love is like saying circles are identical to squares. It IS true.

Me: Well, you seem to be asking me to tell you no it's not going to work. Loving isn't just about being loved, or loving. It's also about acceptance and responsibility. Choice. And with it, fear. 

Young Friend: Yes. I probably am. Right now, my mental confusion over considering this girl as a possibility is an outright blasphemy of what I preach. Here I say, love is impossible, yet here I am, wondering if we'd be good for each other. Love is not about responsibility. Don't you see it? Love doesn't exist!

Me: I won't be your argue-mate in this aspect, but... Do consider the idea that sometimes it's better to be merciful than to be right. Likewise, it's better to be happy than to be right. The man of an old couple told me that.

Young Friend: It's a social construct to justify social cohabitation, sex, lust, concern, obsession, etc.

Me: Well, you're putting up with my condescension. Isn't that a manner of love?

Young Friend: Love doesn't exist because it's impossible for another human being to give themselves up for another human being.

Me: Different, and differing degrees. Example: I can love you, but I won't put up with bad behaviour.

Young Friend: No, I'm speaking because, at the end of the day, I'm trying to fulfill my selfish needs. Right now I am asking an answer from you because it's all about me, me, me, me, me

Same with love, people seek it because it's about themselves! Their white knight, their trophy wife, their own future, themselves.

Me: Okay. If it's about you then the answer is, do it. Do it, mess with her, use this, have a grand time.

Young Friend: No. I won't. I am responsible. I am not like the guys you date. Sorry.

Me: Instead, you - ah. Refuse. And hurl hurt! Emotional hot button hello!

Young Friend: I am selfish but I am not without morals - even if the majority do not agree with my morals.

Me: Thus. If you're with morals and decency. Why do you agonise over this? Can you not as easily date her (or not) based on them?


Young Friend: "Here I say, love is impossible, yet here I am, wondering if we'd be good for each other." This.

Me: Look, they're not working now because they aren't relevant. It's a higher tier of reasoning altogether, if I can call it that. Morals and such give you the how-to, but this.

...Yes. This. What you repeated.

Y'know, some things... You can't reason with some things. I know, because I try.

Young Friend: ...I find it embarrassing that I have everything under control, except this. If people come to learn I can be shaken like this, I will be exploited to no end.

Me: Well. Logic is no good here. Give it a shot my young friend. Live the joy, the excitement. Embrace the lows the heartache. 'cause... even when she is The One, there will always still be heartache, accidentally or otherwise. Life is long.

And... About the soft heart - it's not hard to tell. We like you that way. Just wait till you meet some who have lost their hearts and never truly got it back. Cases of fuck-and-go: not hard-hearted. Just don't have one.

Young Friend: I detest this side of me. It's like I learnt nothing from my past.

Me: Haha no, no. You learnt alright. That's why you're unwilling. But every one is different, even you are always changing.

Young Friend: …

Young Friend: So you're saying, she's worth the try?

Me: I'm saying you deserve to try.

Young Friend: Logic > Fear + Pride > The need to be next to a warm body

Me: Attraction > Logic

Young Friend: And I refuse to submit to such primal, uncivilised and illogical constructs. So, Logic > Attraction.

Me: Mm. They war. Most of the time - attraction wins, unless you walk away quickly and stay far far away. But habit triumphs all. When habit is absent, attraction usually wins.

Young Friend: (looks away, looks back) And now I don't know what to think, I don't know what to feel.

Me: Me neither. In same situation.

Young Friend: Seriously! What's up?

Me: Whatever you just argued, I'm the girl counterpart. Except there wasn't a struggle I don't think. Heh

Young Friend: I see.

Me: But boo bloody hoo, right? Ships passing in the night: too bad.

Young Friend: But isn't it the girls who go around breaking hearts?

Me: Haha oh, both.

Young Friend: They just sit pretty. Guys pay for stuff, take time out of their ambitions, all that even if you ignore feelings in that equation.

Me: Hahahahah! You have a chick who called you, conned you for ice-cream and told you she likes you. Tables turned?

Young Friend: Let me... Put it into perspective. She's been out of a 18-month relationship for the past few months, still texts her ex.

Me: Ah. This is a rebound. Steer well away. But see what she has to say - everyone deserves a chance to speak, negotiate. Bear in mind also that you both have only known each other for this amount of time. Careful, strongly advising keeping your distance until the view is clearer, but see what she has to say.

---

Thus he calls. 

And does his best, as she does her best. Most of the time we're new at life, in its various stages. We become different people at different stages in life - growth.

The best we can do is, well, to do our best. And through it all, enjoy the people, enjoy the ride.