Duck Duck Quack.

These days I'd been spending time on an exciting business venture - one that deals with people.

Through the business I learnt, intensively, about the things that make people tick.


It's not what you think it is: it isn't even a particular trait (rudeness, insensitivity, chronic lateness) but first tell me this - what do you hate most?

As in pet peeve. Think about it, grab that first couple traits that come to mind and hold that.


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The pet peeves that you dislike so intensely - the ones that you feel the urge to correct - are the traits you dislike in yourself, ones that you still, ah, possess.


These often stem from how your caretakers treated you when you were a child.

Example: if you were taught or shown fairness*, you would hate being unfairly treated, or feel guilty when you are shown favour, or be anxious to "return the favour" so you don't "owe" them anything.

As if favours are owe-able. You can't earn, return or owe favours, if you think about it.

This often programmes a tit-for-tat response in the future... which means love doesn't get to flow as freely from there.

This is especially obvious when in a level partnership such as friendship or marriage because it's more of a "I do this for/to you because you did that for/to me." It's a bit like a car needing fuel to start - that's when you get a two-car jam.


A caretaker may choose to have relationships for practical reasons. This too could have left an impression, that it is alright to have unions in exchange for resources. It is, but that could mean breaking and forming unions should resources promised to you were to somehow run out... which could be often when you are forced to marry for practical reasons.

Because face it... a person of wealth will think many times over before going into partnerships that do not potentially yield suitable returns, be it financial or emotional.


All these affect you when you were a child, such that you may now deem marriage unreliable and therefore means nothing anyway, so you refuse to get married. Or you could get married but not see it as something to be treasured because it always breaks and you may choose to terminate it when it no longer helps your situation.

Maybe both - but hey. These are the things that shaped you and consequently, your thoughts and actions.


The caretaker set standards with which you measure the world and for better or for worse you had no control.

You were taught to value the things they valued based on the way they responded to things. You may hate a certain trait but oddly you are often surrounded by people who have that trait. Or happily, you discover that your relationships tend to have a certain element of amiability to them.

Then you realise ah, mama had that.


This, ladies and gentlemen, is imprinting.

Or you could flip the other way entirely and be attracted to people who are desperately needy then replay what was inadvertently modelled to you.

This could happen when your own caretaker tended to be absent from your life: you crave that intimacy but when you have someone near enough for it you display love the only way you know how: by modelling what was shown.

Then you realise this isn't quite how love looks like and you start wondering if there's something wrong with "this relationship" or closer to the mark, "me."


If you'd ever felt that way - please know that it isn't you. It is your parents, it was shown to you when you cannot help but learn it all - but it is your life. You live it.

How you are going to be happy, successful or whathaveyou, depends on you. Your parents are very good mirrors of what you can be. It's so easy - so easy! - to do what comes naturally - and be where your parents are.

Then it's a matter of whether you like where your parents are and what you're going to do about it. :)



I'm almost sorry for the long lights-flashing-wow-awakening post, but I do feel that you're 30% your parents and 70%  you - like water content in the body hey! :D

Almost.


You're welcome.


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Disclaimer: Pretty please do not blame your parents for who or what they are. Chances are, they like you, had traits modelled into them or just didn't know better and did the best they knew how. Love much, forgive much because you are loved and forgiven much.

*Often this has the most impact when you are at the wrong end of the unfair stick, when someone bigger than you are made things "right" for you.