Life's Black Mambas.

Two days ago, I lost control.

Today, I lost control.


What happened: Sunday

Before church on Sunday, I met my mother-in-law up for a cup of coffee, along with my husband. Lo and behold, a familiar mentally-unstable man was shouting insults in the general direction of my mother-in-law, all the while looking and gesturing at her. This was someone we usually gave a wide berth to.

That day, however, I was incensed; I took to yelling at said mentally-unstable man, shaking my finger at him and all.

It turned out that I was as scary as an angry hamster, and if I didn't have my family with me, I probably would have gotten bit or something.

Angry hamster is angry.

What happened: today

Today. Today I killed my husband's gaming mouse (we both game), because of something I thought he willfully did: he willfully used my vacuum cleaner - a gift my mother gave to me and something I used with care and with dedication - to suck the excess water out of our air-conditioning system (I perceived that) he willfully abused my vacuum cleaner and told me it would be fine, despite it spraying water droplets out the other end.


...in case anyone wonders: my vacuum cleaner doesn't - shouldn't - spray water. This instance, it did.

So upon perceiving wilfulness from my husband, I tit-for-tatted and soaked his mouse in water and - hung it up to dry.

Voila. There was only one mouse, though.

Because that's the equivalent of what he did with my vacuum cleaner, and if he who studied electrical engineering said electronics can mix with water, then I'd like to see common knowledge disproved for myself. Also: I wanted to see how it felt. Was it cathartic? Was it satisfying? Will he have reacted the same way I did? Where would the satisfaction come from?


I was curious.

So as the mouse was hanging from the peg, I shook it and noticed (of course!) that there is still water inside, so I decided to blow dry the mouse, hoping to see how electronics and water really do mix...

Alas.

The right clicker started to wrinkle under the heat................................


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When the mouse was cool enough to touch, it had lost its clicking ability.

A mouse that doesn't click is as good as a grasshopper that doesn't hop. Still a grasshopper - just missing something. Like a grass-crawler or a grass-shuffler. The identity is completely different now, because the function has changed.

So... alright. Since said mouse had a quick change of function and since I didn't want to figure out what function - might as well crack it open and see what it's like inside, right? Might as well enjoy it too, right?

Right.


However. I should have gotten the hammer to crack it proper, but nooo I swung it on the floor and it rebounded squarely on my shin. The mouse cracked open though. I thought my shin did, too.

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For both instances, I had legit reasons to be mad, legit reasons to be vengeful and legit reasons to do unto others as others had done unto me -


Being Christian though, is this "the right way"?

This. this is the right way, because it is the loving way.

We are called to love. Love your neighbour as you love yourself. Which means, I had to have a standard of loving myself before I can love others, because however high (or low) my standard of loving myself was, that would be the level which I would love others.

Complicated notion.

Let me try again:

1. I love others the way I love myself. 
2. Ergo: if I don't love myself, I will not love others. 
3. Whether I love myself fluctuates based on the love I receive: if I were loved-up, I love others well. If I were starved of love, I will likewise starve others of love. It's a bit like a fuel tank.

In both instances, I violated my own ideals, because of my lowered fuel tank.

I could blame it on not having enough love in me (it very well could be that), but couldn't I have fled first, calmed down, and recognised that I was low on my love? Then adjusted my behaviour accordingly? Or continued hiding, if I wasn't able to recover in a hurry?

Religion aside: people have emotions such as anger and disappointment and sadness and such - we want justice and for wrongs to be righted -

However, precisely because people do fail and fall - we too should understand when others fail and fall. Help them up, dust them off. Stay away if there's the concern for your own personal safety, but otherwise - everything in gentleness.

That is love.

What happens then, if my temper was speared out of me through nasty words and unwholesome behaviour? The age-old adage of "Their words and behaviour are their own, as your words and behaviour are your own" - does that apply here?

What if I were in toxic company, where proverbial vultures circle the skies?


That I am still trying to figure out.

What the bible says though:

1 Corinthians 15:33. Run, I guess?

I think avoidance of such company is wise. We almost always have a choice, whether we wish to keep certain company.

Where we do not have the luxury of said choice, however: I guess we all try. We can be firm against certain things, to make positive changes in the places we are most often at.

I know I try. We all do, I think, because we all have tempers, we all need the support and the love. Some days we we're so full of love we can take on the world and some days -

Some days you get bit by the black mamba.

The Razer Black Mamba.