On Masks.

I've a young friend by the name of Jim. He's a leader in his circles and is a likeable and charming young man. He gets along with people and is genuine - the kind of guy who's got my vote as "most likely to succeed".

He told me some time ago, during a conversation at the church staircase, that he's reluctant to go into the working world, because adults wear masks and aren't "real".

That stumped me. So I asked him what he meant, to which he explained (not verbatim): adults smile and nod even when they don't like a person. They hide their feelings, even when they're not feeling happy or are angry they hide it because there are other people around. That's fake and he doesn't ever want to become like that.

I recalled thinking about it for a moment, wondering how to answer.

I finally did, after a long moment.

I said, (again, not verbatim) well, what if a surgeon needed to operate in an emergency and was fearful for the patient? The surgeon probably wouldn't express it, because it would not be helpful to the patient's family members. The most he could do is offer an objective possibility of success. Is that considered a mask? 

Likewise a lawyer arguing a losing case in court. He is infuriated, the bad guy is getting away scot free. Should he lose his cool and kick a chair? If not, then is that a mask? 

What about a young lady who was nervous in an interview but smiled and behaved confidently? And if the same young lady was not so hot about meeting, say, a perpetually-depressed friend for tea, but smiled and was bright with that friend even though she got rejected for the job?

I continued: is it then fake, because the above examples concealed their emotions? 

Jim considered it.

My friends, I'd venture, if I may, that this is composure. Poise, if you'd like. And kindness. Not everybody has them. Perhaps that's why it is harder to identify.

Jim, after some consideration, flashed his signature grin and said, yeah, I guess you got a point. And I was glad. Jim is now a professional counsellor for at a centre for troubled teens, where he's setting young men straight and giving them a pretty good example to follow. 

He still has my vote on "the most likely to succeed" - and more than that, he's got his boys' votes as well.