The First Time.

I hear kids blame their parents for a lot of things - the way they are, the way they look, the way they deal with money, relationships, why didn't they give more love - lots of things.

These kids are resentful, angry. Angsty. Yes, that's the word. 

It seemed so long ago that I felt the same way. Only now, I see the proxy for my future: my niece. I want to love her, adore her and make her smile - 

Except now I realise that hey, my parents, when they had me, they had me for the first time. And a last time too, because I am their only child. As I understood this I also understood that I also am doing a lot of things for the first time. Finding that Special Someone who wanted to be found. Holding on to that Someone gently and dearly, because I know I'm being held on to gently and dearly.

Thinking about the prospect of having a child, balancing an infant mindset, the inevitable cuteness and later on, belligerence - future, livelihood, education, character - and I realise that I, me. I'm doing this for the first time too. 

Could I get it right at first go? Did my parents err spectacularly? Have I turned out alright, was - AM - I what they'd hoped I would grow up to be? Does it matter?

...I think that having a child is like having a pet dragon, except it looks like you, talks like you and even thinks like you. Almost like a science project, only natural. Mini-Me - one that'd been lovingly carved from your heart, one whom you'd like to not make the same mistakes you did because its beauty is enough to buy it immortality in your eyes - who's ready for that?? 

Golly.

I wonder if I could get it right, at first go.