"No."

And so I stepped out, to meet a friend for lunch. The sky reflected how I felt inside - almost raining but not quite there - even the winds are still.

It's harder to breathe, today.

It must be the weather. It's tough missing a friend like this, made worse by having nothing more explanatory than "God said..."

Will it ever be enough? It should, but right now it sounds hollow even to my ears. Inadequate.

God says, My grace is enough. He says all who hope in Him shall not be ashamed. He says He will never leave you nor forsake you.

God said... God said no.

"No" never felt so heavy. Is this the carrying of my cross that my pastor spoke about in the Sunday past? Obedience without an answer. Faith without understanding.

I didn't expect it to come so soon.

It's raining with gusto now, and I'm caught in it. But perhaps I have time to sit and wait, this time.