on being different.

i've always been a little bit different. since young, i've always been slightly more precocious than the average child, slightly more talkative, slightly more active because i was slightly more curious - and slightly more proud, this bit more cynical during my teenage years because i was slightly more vulnerable...

i'm sorry i'm more than a little bit different from you.

there, i've said it.

i know you know we're different, and are open-minded enough to say that we should celebrate unique personalities -

but it's somewhat regrettable that we're just slightly too different, in the way that makes us more comradely acquaintances than friends.

we don't have to be all-similar i know, but the time that passed, the inability to carry on a conversation without feeling like we're re-meeting a familiar stranger, that - that we've moved on. i feel like you've passed away from my life, only you're still alive.

don't mistake me: i don't regret the choices we make. i don't regret becoming the people we've become because i accept that people make their choices and i too, make my choices. i too, celebrate uniqueness. while i wish we're a little more similar in thought, wants and mindsets, that the distance not be so great as the chasm between our glasses on the table - i'm glad i'm finally on the right team: mine.

not anyone else's but mine.

i'm sorry i'm not there to share the tears and laughter with you and in a way, perhaps i never will.

but that's alright, cause i know i'm happier now.

thank you friend - may i call you friend? - for bringing me the beauty that made my days magical. thank you, for making me smile and making me cry, for letting me know how strong i can be and how i can let go of my defences, trust and be human.

thank you for letting me know i am capable of things i never thought i would be capable of.

i said once, a long time ago, that you are knowledge. and you are.

thank you for being in this part of my life, in this role.

it was lovely.