chance.

a long time ago, when i was a writer and didn't mind bars - i can't remember how but i got invited to a stranger's table.

he wasn't very hot nor tall nor superbly charming, but what the hell, i joined him. not everyone who invites you over have plans on getting jiggy wit' it, there's got to be someone out there who thinks like me, i thought. and it's singapore, at a quiet little bar. shriek and the dude's in trouble.

it was this little place behind somerset, a cozy little place with two storeys. we had a drink there, with a friend (his) who was there at the outset - we had a chat - and drank, and chatted some more. he got tipsy, his friend drank only water and i being invited to media parties all the time, was well-accustomed.

he saw me home, which was dangerous but i was young and death had nothing on me - what did i have to fear? but then he told me later that he was too gone to drive back, and needed to rest in his car a little before he went. i was free to go and rest.

if this happened to someone else i would've called the dude a liar and thought this clumsy emotional blackmail but during then i was still naive.

 i knew of the Bad Men out there but meeting one? me? naw! those are the people you read in books and novels - those moustachioed little men in dark suits with coattails. the same ones whose laughs sound like "nyah-ah-ah!" and twirled their whiskers between their fingers.

this wasn't one of those men.


seeing his state, i called a taxi and wanted to bundle him up into it; he can collect his car later when he's sober. he refused, but instead asked if i could see him home. ie he'll drive back and my duty was to talk to him, keep him awake. i was game, so i said yes and he was feeling better.

when we got to his place - can't remember where he lived - he parked his car in his porch and invited me in. i wanted to call a cab and go.

i know some of you are shaking your monitor and shrieking OMG WOMAN are you BLIND?? it's a ploy!


well, it must've been. probably.

one thing's for sure: he must've been lonely. at his place he played me songs on his high-tech computer and elaborate sound system, told me how his girl left him - the way he said it made me think it was just yesterday when that happened. 

only his girl left him a few years ago.

he asked to dance with me, with the songs playing, and he'd leave me and switch from song to song like an excited/fearful boy before each song had a chance to complete, like he wanted to please me for fear of my leaving.

for those who were wondering: yes he tried to do what a man would try to do, but did not force it when held him at an arm's length and i said i would like to go. i called my friend, gave him the address and told him to come get me. when i hung up, the young gentleman asked me if he could hold me and dance the last two songs with him, or till my friend got here.

we did, and my phone rang.

as promised, he opened the door and the gate for me and stared as i walked to the car. he chased a few steps after me, then stopped.


"is that your boyfriend?" he called.

i turned around, smiled and shook my head slowly, no.

"don't have one!"

"at least leave me your number!" he looked heartbroken.

in my heart of hearts i knew that he saw his lady love, not loren xue. could i really be his beauty queen?



i was sad for a moment and i guess it showed on my face.

"i can't. stay well."

and i left.



my friend asked me in the car - who's that?

i told him i don't know.